From the most creepily uncomfortable audition moments to the most delightfully uncomfortable celebrity mentors, Rock Daily has been dutifully following America’s biggest televised-music phenomenon closely this season, and tonight will be no different: tune in right here at 8 p.m. tonight for our live blog of the final American Idol showdown between David Archuleta and David Cook. Spoilers say Archuleta will duet with Neil Diamond on “America” and Mariah Carey will magically appear for Cook’s version of “Always Be My Baby,” and that the scruffier David will perform U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.” All that, and the winners of this year’s songwriting contest — it’s enough to make David A. reach his hand out with happiness.
8:00 p.m.: And we’re off! With a trumpet fanfare … and announcer Michael Buffer! Evidently David Cook weighs 180 pounds and David Archuleta weighs in at 100 pounds (soaking wet). They touch gloves. This does not bode well.
8:03 p.m.: Ryan Seacrest pronounces “Archuleta” with a Spanish flair. He asks for the crowd to make noise if they love David A., but not C. Conspiracy?
8:04 p.m.: It seems Idol is intent on carrying on with this boxing metaphor. And Andrew Lloyd Webber is back! Even though the show just misspelled his name as Weber.
8:07 p.m.: There’s a giant Coca-Cola logo on the screen distracting us from the giant Coca-Cola logos projected on the big onstage screens. You think Coca-Cola is sponsoring this episode?
8:08 p.m.: Archuleta says Cook is “awesome.” Cook calls David A. “one of the most consistently nice people.” So much for the bloodlust.
8:11 p.m.: Okay, we admit it — the Wii Fit looks pretty damn awesome.
8:12 p.m.: Time for the rules — Clive Davis picks songs for the first round. What song captures the yearning of David Cook’s generation? “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.” For Archuleta, it’s “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me.”
8:14 p.m.: Cook is channeling his inner Bono (which, frankly, isn’t so hard for him — just look at the size of his head).
8:16 p.m.: Randy says Cook’s tune was a great way to start off the “duel of 2007” and loved the scooped-up note at the end. Paula: “We have found David Cook.” (Saw that one coming.) Simon says Cook looked tense and emotional, and therefore thought it was phenomenal. We can’t follow because we’re too busy trying to figure out whether Randy is wearing a candy bracelet.
8:19 p.m.: Archuleta is channeling his inner Elton John. Make your own joke here.
8:20 p.m.: Randy says it was one of the best performances of the season (”Crazy vocals! Crazy!”). Paula’s arms are covered in chills (plus “the sun is never going to go down on you!”). Simon promises to bring us back down to earth: “David, I’m going to be honest with you, I thought last week you were OK. I thought tonight’s performance was arguably the best you’ve done so far.” What the? Thanks for nothing, Cowell.
8:27 p.m.: Round two! It’s the top 10 entries from the songwriting competition. David Cook’s pick: “Dream Big.” Either he picked a rocker or is breaking some nobody’s heart by “reinterpreting” it into a Daughtry song.
8:30 p.m.: Randy thinks the song was just OK, but that Cook was “singing your face off.” Paula loves it. Simon thought Cook made the most of what he had (ouch!), because it “didn’t feel like a winning moment to me.” Paula helpfully points out it wasn’t the winning song (double ouch!). Cook says he’s playing in front of 7,000 people, so he feels great. Somebody should tip him off to the 25 million folks who watch him perform on TV each week.
8:36 p.m.: Ahoy, Archuleta! David A.’s choice is “In This Moment,” a schmaltzy ballad that doesn’t explain the anchors on his jacket. This kid is singing like his life depends on it. Papa Archuleta, we’re looking in your direction …
8:39 p.m.: Randy is once again not crazy about the song, but guess what Archuleta could sing and be good — wait for it, the phone book! Paula says he’s on fire tonight. Simon loves the egotistical lyric, but thinks it was a better song choice. Rounds one and two go to Archie, who is weeping.
8:41 p.m.: Whoa, this Coldplay iTunes ad is pretty awesome on our new HDTV.
8:44 p.m.: Round three is contestant’s choice. Cook picks “The World I Know” by Collective Soul. You read that correctly. Archuleta selects John Lennon’s “Imagine.” Let’s go out on a limb here and call the entire competition for Archuleta.
8:47 p.m.: Cook is decked out in a Johnny Cash-esque Man in Black outfit with a black acoustic guitar, doing a pretty good job of singing a song 99 percent of the audience has never heard. Now he, too, is weeping.
8:48 p.m.: Randy loves Collective Soul! And the performance! Paula says Cook is “standing in your truth” and rises to applaud him! Simon says Cook is one of the nicest, most sincere contestants the show has ever had, and adds, “It was a beautiful song, but it was completely and utterly the wrong song choice for you on the night, because you should have sung ‘Billie Jean’ or ‘Hello.’” Can’t say we disagree. Stick a fork in him.
8:54 p.m.: Archie, in a white leather jacket, is bringing it home, singing one of the most internationally beloved songs ever written.
8:56 p.m.: Randy says Archuleta is exactly what the show is about, and calls him the “best singer of season seven.” Paula is speechless … and yet speaks on: “You were stunning tonight. This is what it’s all about, David.” Simon says the competition has taken “a little bit of stick this year” (make your own joke), but thinks Archuleta came out to win “and what we witnessed was a knockout.”
8:59 p.m.: Archuleta is too stunned and teary to even clap. And the very big secret surprise guest is … Ruben Studdard. Clever, Idol, clever. The now label-less Idol victor is crooning this season’s send-off song as a montage of clips plays. We never need to see Seacrest rub Chikezie’s head again.
9:00 p.m.: Votin’ time. Are there superdelegates in Idol?
[Photo: Becker/Fox]